| What if the Prophet watched television? The Prophet, like everyone who has died since Allah created Adam and Eve, with the prominent exceptions being Jesus and those who have murdered his real and imaginary enemies and died in the process is in a cavity somewhere in what has to be a massively honeycombed earth. The believers who died literally in Allah’s good books will be provided with a spacious space below ground complete with curtains and a bed. Unbelievers, or believers who died while in Allah’s bad books, will be confined to a cramped space with walls constantly closing in on them, making every breath a laboured one. The Prophet said that “we would faint in terror if we could hear the screams of those being tormented” in their grave*. The living dead will get a visit, twice daily until Judgement Day, from an angel who has not come to chat but to open the curtains and show them their final destination come Judgement Day. When any of you dies, he is shown his position (in the Hereafter) morning and evening. If he is one of the people of Paradise, he is shown the place of the people of Paradise. If he is one of the people of Hell, he is shown the place of the people of Hell. He is told, ‘this is your position, until God resurrects you on the Day of Resurrection. al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim The reason for so many suicide bombers is not only the promise of an orgiastic after-life, but a killing liturgy that implies that those who die while dispatching the enemies of Allah, including children who may grow up to despise the Author of the Koran and His Messenger, don’t get to spend any time in the grave, they fly directly to their reward in Paradise. This is what Muhammad Atta, the leader of the September 11th terrorists believed. In a note of encouragement for his fellow volunteers for death and destruction he writes: Know that the gardens of paradise are waiting for you in all their beauty and the women of paradise are waiting, calling out. The Prophet is slightly luckier than most of the living dead for he gets more than the twice daily visits from angels. Whenever a believer wishes the peace and blessings of Allah on His Messenger an angel flies to the Prophet's literal resting place (with perhaps the assistance of transporter-like device like on Star Trek to get through the earth's crust) with the good news. On the Day of Judgment, Allah, it is said, will listen to some pleas for mercy from His greatest Messenger for sinners who have said "peace and blessings be upon him" (Pbuh is an acceptable abbreviation) the most often, when the Prophet’s name is mentioned. As with most things in Islam, this is not necessarily done out of love but 1) because Allah and His Messenger said so 2) for the rewards or 3) out of fear of what will happen to you if you don’t do as you are told**. What if Allah, to alleviate the boredom of waiting thousands of years in a closed cavern deep in the ground for Judgement Day, had provided his greatest Messenger with a television set, a nice big flat screen model? The television set could have the equivalent of the V-Chip so that the Prophet would not be exposed to sexually explicit or suggestive programming so as not to arouse the senses in an environment where there is no opportunity of release except self-abuse, which is a sin in Islam. The normal V-Chip would have allowed the Prophet to watch Jeopardy which is stimulation for the mind, which Islam allows, as long it does not leads to heresy i.e. to questioning Allah’s revelations or the sayings of His Messenger. With in-the-ground cable or satellite television the Prophet might even have stumbled on last year’s Jeopardy’s college championship where a Boston University sophomore, a female no less, beat out two male competitors in the final round to claim the top prize of $100,000. Talk about a good memory. This might have caused him to reflect on what His Mentor said about a woman’s ability to remember things: 2:282 … O believers, when you contract a debt for a fixed period, write it down. Let a scribe write it for you with fairness. No scribe should decline to write as Allah has taught him. So let him then write and let the debtor dictate. He should fear his Lord and not diminish the debt in the least. If the debtor is feeble-minded or week or ignorant, then let his guardian dictate with fairness. And call to witness two witnesses of your men; if not two men, then one man and two women from such witnesses you approve of, so that if one of them (the two women) fails to remember, the other will remind her. It might also have caused him to reflect on his own observations about a woman’s mind, including the following: The Prophet said, "Isn’t the witness of a woman equal half that of a man?" The women said, "Yes." He said: "This is because of the deficiency of the woman’s mind." Bukhari It might even have gotten him to thinking about whether men are actually superior to women. 2:228 Divorced women should keep away from men for three menstrual periods. And it is not lawful for them to conceal that which Allah has created in their wombs, if they truly believe in Allah and the Last Day. Their husbands have the right in the meantime to take them back, should they seek reconciliation; and women have rights equal to what is incumbent upon them according to what is just, although men are one degree above them (what is meant here is that the men have a superior authority). Allah is Mighty, Wise. And if men are not superior to women, do they have the right to beat them to make them understand what Allah expects of them: 4:34 Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because they spend some of their wealth. Hence righteous women are obedient, guarding the unseen which Allah has guarded. And those of them that you fear might rebel, admonish them and abandon them in their beds and beat them. Should they obey you, do not seek a way of harming them; for Allah is Sublime and Great! Of course, this type of speculation by an ordinary living human being could be considered heresy, and Allah's recommended punishment in the here-and-now for questioning dogma, with the exception of the torture unbelievers will be subjected to in His Hell, has to be His worse and most gruesome. The following is from Moses meeting with Pharaoh where the Egyptian ruler’s magicians switch allegiance after witnessing Moses’ superior magic: 20:71 He (Pharaoh) said: “Do you believe in him before I give you leave? It must be your chief who has taught you magic. I shall then cut your hands and feet on alternate sides, and I will crucify you upon the trunks of palm trees, and you will certainly know whose punishment is sterner and more lasting.” The Prophet, for the believers is the personification of the perfect human being. This perfection may explain why Allah often accepted His Messenger advice, for example on the number of prayers. What if after watching a woman demonstrate that she is not only as good as, but better at remembering things than men, the Prophet had asked even a few of the thousands or perhaps millions of angels who visit him every day to let him know that so-an-so sends his blessings, to tell Allah what he had seen and heard on Jeopardy when they returned to Paradise. Or better still, invite a few of them, if it's not too crowded, to watch the college championship with him, assuming he recorded it, and see and hear for themselves and provide Allah with an eyewitness account. Upon hearing that a women had bested men in a test of memory, knowledge and mathematical skills (she answered all the mathematics questions except for one) just maybe this would have caused Allah to consider abrogating a few verses i.e. replacing one verse with another such as the verse about women not being as good at remembering things as men. It is not as if He had not done that on other occasions, such as the punishment for adultery His decision to abrogate one more verses in favour of equality for women would of course have to be delivered by some form of human messenger, Allah having decided, after showing Moses a reflection of Himself, that it would be the last time He would reveal Himself to a real person, even as a shadow. He would not even make an exception for His greatest Messenger when would-be believers said they would believe if Allah delivered the Koran the way He delivered the Torah (it's in Moses vs. Muhammad). But what about the verse known as the Seal of the Prophet where Allah makes it clear that the Prophet Muhammad is His Last Messenger? 33:40 Muhammad is not the father of any of your men, but is the Messenger of Allah and the seal of the Prophets. Allah is Cognizant of everything. Not a problem. Since He would have heard about what happened on Jeopardy from His Prophet, it could be His last messenger last's message, no matter who delivered it. With no legal or theological arguments to Allah making a few modifications to the status of women in His Koran and making Islam both a men and women’s religion i.e. a religion of equals, how could He avoid not doing so. Sharia law would never be the same, and what god would not want that. ------------- * Life in the grave for unbelievers and other sinners will be terrifying in the extreme. If this claustrophobic agonizing existence which combines both physical and psychological terrors to achieve an unprecedented level of horror and pain were not god-inspired, then the Prophet Muhammad would probably be remembered today as one of the greatest sadistic minds the world has ever known. For more on life in the grave read The Living Dead. ** Allah blessed his Prophet and expected every one else to do the same, with an additional admonition for His Messenger's contemporaries that they "greet him graciously": 33:56 Allah and His angels bless the Prophet. O believers, bless him and greet him graciously too. The Prophet's followed up Allah's decree that he be blessed, with his patented carrot and stick approach to getting the believers to bend to his or Allah's Will. The stick were warnings that bad things would happen to those who didn't bless him, including Allah not listening to any supplication (requests for favours) that is not only book-ended, but also interspersed with blessings upon him. The Messenger of Allah said, "May he be humiliated, the man in whose presence I am mentioned and he does not send Salah upon me; ..." Abu Hurayrah as recorded by At-Tirmidhi A supplication remains suspended between heaven and earth and does not ascend any further until a person sends Salah on me. Do not treat me like a spare water container, send Salah upon me at the beginning of your supplication, at the end, and in the middle." Reported by Razin ibn Mu'awiyah The carrot was that Allah will forgive many bad deeds, and grant many brownie points if blessings are showered on His Prophet whenever His Messenger's name is mentioned. Ahmad ibn Hanbal reported that the companion of Muhammad, Abu Talhah al-Ansari said: "One morning the Messenger of Allah was in a cheerful mood and looked happy. They said, 'Oh Messenger of Allah, this morning you are in a cheerful mood and look happy.' He said, Of course, just now someone [an angel] came to me from my Lord [Allah] and said, 'Whoever among your Ummah sends Salah upon you, Allah will record for him ten good deeds and will erase for him ten evil deeds, and will raise his status by ten degrees, and will return his greeting with something similar to it.'"
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